Nothing Like the Classics
by caylender
Summary: When the Vaudevillians decide they don't get enough respect from Smackdown, they decide to kidnap Renee Young and take her back in time to their world. Can Dean save her from the dastardly duo?


I don't know...I had this idea the other day...God knows why... And I bounced the idea off Captain who really wanted me to write it.

 **Disclaimer:** WWE blah blah blah. Disney owns Minnie Mouse and Pete the Cat.

* * *

"And now we'll welcome our next guests to _Taking Smack_ : The Vaudevillians!"

Aiden English and Simon Gotch strutted onto the stage, flexing their muscles and posing.

"Finally, this day has come, Miss Young!" Aiden English exclaimed as they reached the desk. "We had awaited long for this opportunity, for the chance to appear on your little show. They have certainly kept us far away from you."

Renee looked at Daniel Bryan in confusion. She mouthed the words _what the hell?_

Bryan raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

"I apologize, Miss Young. I didn't mean to come off so strong." English smiled.

"It is quite natural for manly men like us to come off _strong_ ," Gotch explained.

"Miss Young, we do appreciate the invitation. Please accept these flowers we brought for you," English said as he pulled a large bouquet of red poppies from behind his back.

"Real men give ladies flowers," Gotch announced.

"Wow, thank you," Renee said slightly off guard. "That's sweet of you." Renee tentatively smelled the bouquet.

"She doesn't like them," Gotch said in a sad tone. English smirked but quickly schooled his expression to one of disappointment.

"No, I do! They're lovely! And they smell….amazing. Here, Bryan, smell these."

Bryan gave her a dubious look but leaned forward to smell the flowers. "Oh wow, those do smell amazing."

"See...I...told...you."

"I...think...something's…"

Both Renee and Bryan slumped over in their chairs, unconscious.

"Just according to plan!" English said with a cackle. "Let's grab Miss Young and be off!"

Gotch carefully picked her up bridal style and the two left the room after giving a pointed glare at the cameraman. Then they left the room where Bryan was left, snoozing on the desk.

The cameraman's eyes focused on a piece of paper that English had dropped, and he grabbed it. "What the heck?"

* * *

When Renee woke up, her first thought was that she was incredibly uncomfortable. Her face felt uncomfortably warm and there were something digging into her back. Did she fall asleep in the sun? She tried to shift to get more comfortable but found she couldn't move. Intense orchestral music was playing somewhere nearby. Her eyes slowly creaked open, and she was treated to a lovely sunny sky; the expanses of sky were all in a great array of shades of gray… She opened her mouth to speak but no sound came out. She said,

" **What the hell is this? Where am I?"**

She watched in amazement as a black box appeared over her head and the words appeared in flowing calligraphy. Renee shook her head. What on earth was going on?

She craned her head the best she could and saw that she was tied up...to some railroad tracks. Her phone was vibrating in her jeans' pcoket, but she couldn't reach it. Great...

" **You have to be kidding me! This**

 **Is the least creative thing to do!"**

To make the situation even worse, she could just hear the distant sounds of an approaching train over the sound of the Orchestra playing.

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

Great, that's exactly what she needed to make the day even worse.

* * *

Back at the set for _Talking Smack_ , Dean Ambrose wandered by to find Renee. He was surprised to see a just-beginning-to-stir Daniel Bryan. The Lunatic Fringe walked over and poked the man in the arm.

"Hey Bryan, you okay? Hey? Bryan?"

Bryan vaguely swiped at Dean's hand. "What?"

"That's what I wanna know? Don't you have things to do? People to interview? Do I get to nap if I ever get your job?" Dean scratched his head. "Oh and where's Renee? She's not answering her phone."

Bryan frowned and rubbed his eyes… "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Dean asked, frowning.

"I mean I don't know!"

"Excuse me," a cameraman said. "The Vaudevillains took her."

"What?" Dean snapped.

"They gave Daniel Bryan and her drugged flowers, so they passed out and then they grabbed her."

Dean stared at the cameraman in disbelief. "They gave her…what?"

"Flowers…"

"Are we suddenly in a cartoon or something?"

The cameraman shrugged. "Dude, I just work here. I'm not paid to figure out the motives behind any of you. The Vaudevillains are clearly under the impression that they're cartoon villains, destined to kidnap Renee like they're Pete the Cat, and she's Minnie Mouse. It's none of _my_ business. I mean, I'm not inclined to film the Wyatts behind the scenes any more than I'm paid to because I don't have a death wish. It's none of my business! Not my job! But that's not the point. You should go save your girl."

Dean gaped at the man before turning away to go try to find the Vaudevillians.

"Oh wait, they dropped this; it might be helpful for you."

Dean grabbed the paper from the cameraman. His expression was doubtful as he studied it. "You think this'll actually work?"

The cameraman shrugged. "How the heck should I know?" He grabbed his packed up camera and stormed out of the room.

"Wow, he's cranky… I guess, I'll have to find the New Day and borrow their _time machine_ …"

* * *

Renee tried to wiggle free from her restraints. She didn't think she was in a lot of danger, but boy, was she bored. She huffed out a breath before closing her eyes and screaming with all the power she could, but still no sound was made.

She pouted as she stared at the gray sky. Then more of the flowery script began to appear above her.

" **MWAHAHAHA"**

She frowned and instinctively looked to her left, seeing the Vaudevillains. English was bent over chortling and slapping his knee. Gotch was standing straight up with his head thrown back, laughing dramatically.

Renee felt her face heat up with anger. She screamed,

" **WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"**

English took a deep breath before he responded,

" **This will show you why you**

 **Should pay attention to the**

 **Vaudevillians! You took too long**

 **To invite us onto your**

 _ **Talk show.**_ **Now you'll pay for**

 **Your disrespect!"**

Renee stared at them in disbelief. That's what this was about? Talk about employing the worse way to get invited again to the show.

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

The two villains laughed even harder.

" **Your day is about to get**

 **Even worse! MWAHAHA!"**

Renee rolled her eyes and said,

" **This is a horrible way to try to**

 **get more interview time! And**

 **can you get any more cliched?"**

English said,

" **They do not call them the classics**

 **For no reason!"**

Renee sincerely hoped help was on the way.

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

No, scratch that. She hoped help was already there, just waiting to make the most impactful entrance.

* * *

Dean stood inside the freaking cardboard box, wondering why he thought Xavier Woods of all people would've actually been able to construct a time machine.

" **This is a waste of time…"**

…

" **Huh, that's different."**

He pushed open the door, and he noticed the world was black and white. He rolled his eyes.

" **Figures… Now where's Renee?"**

In the distance he could hear the sound of an approaching train.

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

He sighed. They were really that cliched?

He ran over to the railroad tracks and began running along them, knowing they'd eventually lead him to his favorite interviewer. Besides, he really, really didn't want to be the only one responsible for potty training their new puppy.

Renee craned her head and caught the first glimpse of the oncoming train.

" **Are you freaking kidding me!?"**

The Vaudevillians cackled.

" **You'll be killed!**

" **Crushed!"**

" **Severed in two!"**

" **It can't stop!"**

" **It's a runaway train!"**

Renee screamed at the train.

" **STOP!"**

Mojo Rawley kept running towards her with his tag team partner perched on his shoulders. Ryder yelled,

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

Renee tried again,

" **Zack, Mojo! Stop! You'll kill me! Or**

 **Just ruin my outfit…"**

Mojo ignored her pleas and kept running.

" **The HYPE TRAIN has no breaks!  
There's no stopping!"**

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

Great… Renee wrinkled her nose and closed her eyes, preparing herself for the worse.

Suddenly, the HYPE TRAIN veered off the rails and began sprinting towards the Vaudevillians, who were too busy laughing to notice this new development.

 **BOOOM!**

A large mushroom shaped cloud puffed up over the site of the collision.

Renee opened her eyes and wondered why she was perfectly fine. She then noticed that Dean was untying the multitude of ropes around her.

" **DEAN!"**

" **Yes?"**

" **What happened?"**

Dean nodded over to the side where a lever was situated.

" **I pulled that."**

Renee was dumbfounded. It was that easy? As Dean finished untying her and he helped her up, she looked over to see the slightly limping HYPE TRAIN running away from the soot-singed Vaudevillians, who were suddenly covered in bandages.

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

Renee shook her head.

" **Thank you."**

Dean grinned and raised an eyebrow. Renee sighed and put her arms around Dean's neck.

As the sun began to set behind them, they kissed. Their shadowy silhouette was the last thing visible as the curtains began to draw to a close.

" **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!**

 **Woo! Woo!"**

 _FIN_


End file.
